One month ago, a friend of mine linked an article in the WSJ called "Why Chinese Mothers are superior". To tell the truth, if this was supposed to feed a polemic, it worked for a while and starts to be forgotten. As Betty Ming Liu said in her blog, there are "bigger fishes to stir-fry". But after one month of reflection, I still wanted to react to it.
I know now that Amy Chua did not write a tutorial but a memoir, making fun of herself. Well, I did not read her book (Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother). I read that article to my Vietnamese migrant Tiger Mom. And her reaction to it was: "well, she's crazy". Pardon? My mom, who sometimes openly support physical punishments and thinks it's normal to fear one's parent, was then sincerely shocked. I still read a lot about her. I hate making wrong statements.
My parents always wanted me to do well at school. I remember some working sessions were hell on Earth. A 7/10 would make them shout, so that I did not dare to go home. I think Mrs Chua would call me a coward. If I had a 9/10, the reaction would be: "Why isn't it a 10". Making me a frustrated perfectionist now, even after long talks with my parents, they stopped being prestige whores (copyright, Betty Ming Liu! Check her blog, it's great! Thank you, Madame Betty!)
Actually, it's not about Chinese Moms, it's about migrant moms (of course, not all of them), as Mrs Chua said. I talked to my aunt in Vietnam, and shared my point of view with other Asian friends (Mainlanders, Hong-Kongese, Japanese, Filipino, Taiwanese and Koreans). Their reaction on migrant Asian education was surprising.
Our parents didn't only leave a place but also an era: they came to a country more liberal than theirs, were shocked with the way children behaved, and educated their kids to be the exact opposite, following the "Asian" model. But their point of view on parenting is linked to an ERA, not on a country. I mean, time went by, the hippie era in Europe's over, as the spanks era in Asia's past. Migrant parents remained the same, stuck in the 60's. My aunt in Vietnam never spanked her kids. She was surprised my Mom did. I can't really be mad at my parent. I know they did not knew any other ways to educate us: most of them only hang out with other fellow-countrymen, for whom that kind of education is absolutely normal.
Being raised up that way made me a strong-willed young lady with good manners (but still, a horrible eater). I'm at university, doing quite well, a music lover, and I have a great relation with my parents. But thinking about it, I wish I did the same, without spending 8 years in therapy, being socially awkward, including the fact that my parents freak me out, even if I have a good relation with them, even if they are technically harmless. I confessed it to my Dad, and broke his heart. It'd break my heart too, if my own child was that much afraid of me. I guess Asian parents seek respect, and really want their kids to be happy. But happiness is a very personal conception. Not all the children would chose TV or video games if they are asked what they want to do, as Amy Chua said in an interview. Who doesn't want the best for their progeny? but going on that pathway, all they are getting is rebellion (Amy Chua's younger daughter Lulu rebelled, so did my sister), fear, and therapy fees. Including the fact that all the Good Asian Kids I've talked to call me a slacker. Is it that you call respect? I'm a happy slacker.
Finally, if Amy Chua wanted to make fun of herself, I don't know if she succeeded because most of the readers are shocked. I'm sure it helped her, I mean, writing. I don't think that's really funny though: maybe it's fun for the mom. What about the kids? I was the kind of girl who made fun of our education with my some other Vietnamese schoolmates. Until we saw our common friends staying silent and shocked when we were trying to make them burst out laughing.
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